‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House
all the Senators were voting, as forced by the Louse;
The amendments were snuck in the bill to ensnare,
In hopes that Americans would not even care;
The Congress were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Socialism danced in their heads;
And Pelosi in her ‘kerchief, and Reid in his cap,
Had just smugly laid down their deceitful trap,
When out on the mall there arose such a clatter,
they sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
Away to the cloakroom they flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to Patriots below,
When, what to their horrified eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight mighty Conservatives to fear,
With a wise ringleader, so lively and quick,
they knew in a moment it must be Glenn Beck.
More rapid than eagles his pundits they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Hannity! now, Coulter! now, Limbaugh and Levin!
On, Malkin! on Ingraham! on, Gingrich and Palin!
To the top of the rotunda! to the top of the dome!
Now blog away! talk away! Send the traitors home!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the White House the pundits they flew,
With the sleigh full of Tea Partiers, and Glen Beck too.
And then, in a twinkling, Pelosi & Reid heard on the roof
The mocking and laughing of each little spoof.
As they drew in their heads, and were turning around,
Down the chimney Glenn Beck came with a bound.
He was clinging to his Bibles and his guns,
And all ready for the sneaky Liberals to run;
A bundle of Constitutions he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His facts how they twinkled! his research how merry!
His chalkboard like roses, his red phone like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the quickness of his grin was as white as the snow;
The silvery flash of a mic he held tight in his hands,
And Democratic lies flew out to meet his demands,
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he cried like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right Patriotic old elf,
And they screeched when they saw him, in spite of themselves;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave them to know, the bill should be dead;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He rallied the people; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the rotunda he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the shot of a missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
We’ll see you in 2010 for the fight of your life!
As adapted & written by Lady Libertas